


[michael] in the bathroom

by perhapssoon



Series: switched au [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: F/F, F/M, I APOLOGIZE, M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Switched AU, even though you are writing something different, im just gonna keep calling it that, im literally gng to write out all these scenes, poor eric, too much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 15:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14596092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapssoon/pseuds/perhapssoon
Summary: Eric wished he could start over. Nothing better to do than die, right?Or Eric suffers and Jeremy secures a possible boyfriend.





	[michael] in the bathroom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DontDiePls28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontDiePls28/gifts).



> AU belongs to DontDiePls28 who was kind enough to let me write for their au. I still can’t get over it. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for self harm, suicidal thoughts. Please stay safe! <3

After Jeremy left, Eric allowed himself to relax slightly, letting out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. He needed to finish what he started before his ex-friend came barging through the door. Opening one of the bathroom drawers, he pulled out an object that he had hastily shoved away when Jeremy came in and placed it above his wrist. 

_Do it._

Gripping the knife as tightly as he could, he slowly lowered it onto his skin. He made the first cut and watched as the blood slowly trickled out of the shallow gash he made, a stark contrast with his skin. It was oddly satisfying, although the pain of it nearly made him drop his knife.

 _Another_.

He made another thin red line.  Maybe he was being selfish, because Jeremy still stayed friends with him despite all the demeaning snarks Eric made at him.  And emotions weren't his forte either, so Eric had no other way to go about it. He rightly deserved Jeremy's explosion of accusations, and the thought of that only made him cut his third stroke a little deeper, wincing from the pain.

 _Look at you now,_ a nasty inner voice said smugly. _You're pathetic, taking out your feelings and fucking them around to become darts to throw in other people's bodies. No wonder Jeremy doesn't like being around you.  No wonder even the popular kids don't like to talk to you. You should kill yourself for getting yourself into this mess. There's no point anymore._

And Eric, despite his common sense trying to block out the words, had to agree.  He was an idiot, and ruined his chances. The SQUIP could take over the entire school, and he wouldn't care at all.  He'd be dead by morning.

_Another._

Careful to keep his arm over the sink, Eric managed to make ten gashes in his arm before three loud knocks rang through the bathroom. He accidentally dropped his knife in the sink and after fishing it back out, rolled his sleeves down to cover the cuts.  The knocks sounded again, and maybe Eric was imagining it, but they sounded louder. He backed away from the door, tripping over himself in the process and landing with his back against the opposite wall. The noise mercilessly continued, and Eric found himself curling into himself.

 _Pathetic,_ his inner voice continued. _Not even willing to open the door because you're so ashamed of yourself. You should've stolen some shots from the party so you could OD._

The knocking continued, louder and louder, until it was ringing though Eric's head so he couldn't think straight. He could feel the wetness of blood seeping through his shirt sleeve even as he sat there. _Move, idiot! What if it's Jeremy?_

On a burst of sudden motivation, Eric stumbled to the sink and splashed water on his face, and wrenched the faucet sideways to turn it off.  And with the minimal clarity Eric had mustered, silence followed soon after.

 _You need to tell him_. For once, he actually agreed with the voice in his head without any feeling of self-doubt.   _You need to tell him, get it over with, so you have a clear conscience when you end this._

 _He won't listen_ , he argued with himself, _he's set on ignoring me, with the SQUIP to boot.  He likes Michael anyway. I don't have a shot at this._

 _Then you can just kill yourself,_ was the blunt reply and Eric wondered if this was what it was like to have a SQUIP.  

_Who needs a SQUIP when I just tell myself what's wrong with me? How is that any different than Jeremy's life?_

He knew the answer before he even thought to say it out loud. "Because Jeremy's improves his life.  Mine only makes it worse."

\--------------

Jeremy found his way to an empty couch that _wasn't_ covered in cum and other substances and sat down.  Eric actually seemed hurt when Jeremy exploded on him like that, but he was sure it was only because Eric wanted to be his friend again.  He wasn't going to take that chance, however, because if Christine agreed to cutting off the friendship, he trusted her way more than Eric.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" Jeremy looked up to see Michael standing over him, grinning.

Jeremy automatically blushed, thankful of the strobe-lighting to cover it up.  "Y-yeah, sure."

Michael plopped down next to him. "Some party, huh?  I take that everyone's pretty much stoned at this point."

Jeremy nodded, looking out across the sea of high-schoolers.  "Yeah, totally."

"What do you think Jake's parents would do if they found out?"

Jeremy shrugged. "If I had to be honest, they might not come back, though this will definitely ruin their house."

"No kidding," Michael replied with a short laugh that made Jeremy's heart leap slightly. "The beds and tables and pretty much _everything_ is covered in beer.  And cum. And other stuff I don't need to think about because I had three beers and don't care about this party anymore."

"Same here," Jeremy said, because _ohmygod I'm talking to Michael for maybe the fifth time, but I still love him wtf._ "So, uh," he started, already regretting what he was going to say, but this was maybe the best time to tell him. "Do you like anyone?"

Michael stiffened slightly.  "Why?"

"Uh," _Just get it over with, Jeremy_. "BecauseIlikeyou."

"What?" Michael stared at him and Jeremy froze up. 

“I, uh, never mind.” Jeremy stood up to get the hell out of there but Michael grabbed his wrist. 

“I do too.”

“Really?” Jeremy could hardly believe his ears. “You-you like me?”

Michael shrugged. “Why not? You’re nice, have got mad video game knowledge, and kinda cute!”

Both of them froze at that statement, and Jeremy found himself grinning so widely that his face hurt.  And he was blushing, but he didn't care about that. "So, uh, cool. Um.."

It felt like the whole room was hyper-focused on the moment. “So, um, do you want to go out with me?”

Michael pulled away slightly, looking regretful. “I would, believe me, because you’re an awesome person and I really like you. But my parents are a bit questioning right now so once I get it all blown over, I would definitely do that!”

Jeremy felt his heart sink a little but nodded. “Great! Just, uh, do you have my number?”

Michael laughed. “No, I’ve been wanting to get it for ages. Here.” He handed Jeremy his phone and the taller teen quickly typed in his number and handed it back. 

“Just text me whenever,” Michael said, shoving the phone into his pocket, “because I don’t usually have stuff going on so—“

He was cut off by Rich who marched into Jeremy and shook him by the shoulders. “Do any of you have Mountain Dew Red?”

“I have some at home,” Michael started to say before Rich vanished into the crowd. “Uh, What was that about?”

Michael shrugged. “Well, I’ll be going now. Call me.”

Jeremy waved goodbye and was left alone once more; until Christine reappeared at least.

Christine, upon finally reactivating, was met by Jeremy's rather loud, _Finally!_

_'Quiet, I need to review what happened so far while I was deactivated.'_

Jeremy waited for several tense minutes before Christine focused on him again. _Was it bad?_

 _'Pretty bad'_ she agreed.   _'What happened with Eric there?'_

_He was giving me shit for ignoring me so I blew him off._

Christine nodded slowly.   _'And Michael?'_

_I, uh, got his number._

_'No,'_ Christine replied impatiently. _'What are you going to do about it? It's your best chance to get with him!'_

_I think I'm just gonna slowly work up to that, okay?_

Christine sighed, the noise sounding like static in Jeremy's ear. _'Fine.  I just want to help you Jeremy, you know that.'_

"I know," Jeremy said aloud. "But please don't screw this up, alright?"

Christine gave him a thumbs up and fizzled suddenly before an expression of alarm suddenly crossed her face. _'You need to leave.  Now.'_

_What? What's going on?_

_'I can't explain, Jeremy, you just need to trust me.'_

_Fine._ Without a second thought, Jeremy pushed through the crowds of drunk teenagers and left the party as quickly as he could.


End file.
